No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize