My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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