Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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