I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize