Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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