You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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