I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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