my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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