he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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