Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You are a genius and a whore.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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