is your mom at the bar?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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