just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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