So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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