i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am available for nakedness
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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