it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
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Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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