hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Betty ford says i'm here all night
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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