He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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