I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize