member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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