Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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