I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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