By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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