I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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