im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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