I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize