Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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