all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize