im drinking this country out of the recession.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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