like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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