the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
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