Swine flu. Run for my life!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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