you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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