And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize