Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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