Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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