my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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