2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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