Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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