No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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