I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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