I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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