Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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