Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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