Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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