I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize