I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize