turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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