I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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