Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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