Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
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The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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